coughs and colds

Unicough: Sadly not as good as unicorns.

Another day and another new cough medicine has mysteriously appeared on pharmacy shelves.  It’s called Unicough® (Infirst), and it claims to work by:

addressing the hypersensitivity of the cough reflex, which makes it suitable for dry, tickly and chesty coughs
— http://www.chemistanddruggist.co.uk/news/new-cough-syrup-pharmacy-only#sthash.toAK6A2l.dpuf (subscription required)
source: http://www.infirst.co.uk/were-working-on/unicough

source: http://www.infirst.co.uk/were-working-on/unicough

Riiiight. Regular readers will by now know that most cough medicines are absolute nonsense, with little to no evidence of effectiveness. I’m particularly suspicious of products (like this one and Bronchostop, for example), which claim to be able to work on any type of cough. Chesty and dry coughs happen through different mechanisms, so a product that claims to treat all types seems more likely to not work for any. An exception to this would be a simple demulcent like simple linctus, which acts just by coating the throat for a little while. 

Am I right to be suspicious about this product? Well dear friends, lets take a deep, objective breath and dive into the evidence, hoping beyond hope that maybe this time… this time… it might not be a nonsense product. 

Is it actually a medicine? Or is it just pretending? 

Unlike most new over the counter products which all turn out to be medical devices masquerading as real medicines, this product is actually, genuinely a Real Life Medicine. It even has a Real Life License, for the symptomatic relief of common coughs associated with upper respiratory tract congestion. What larks! What a time to be alive!

This means that the manufacturer will have proven three broad things in order to receive the license: safety, efficacy, and quality. We’re not out of the woods yet, by any means, but this is probably the most promising start to an OTC medicines review I’ve done so far.

It contains diphenhydramine 14 mg (an antihistamine, which as a side effect will make you sleepy), ammonium chloride 135 mg (irritates the airways, therefore is supposed to loosen up any mucus and help you cough it up- aka an expectorant), and levomenthol 1.1mg (minty, therefore feels a bit soothing and cooling). Despite Infirst’s hopes that Unicough will “reshape the approach to acute common coughs”, there are no exciting or revolutionary technologies here. All of these drugs are old as the hills, and very similar products (Benylin Chesty Cough Original) have been widely available for pretty much forever.  

Furthermore, it is a totally irrational combination of drugs. You’ve got an antihistamine, which acts to dry up secretions, nestling up alongside an expectorant, which is supposed to promote loosening up secretions. Those two actions work against each other and cancel each other out, rendering the whole thing pretty darn pointless. 

If it's licensed, that means that there is evidence that it works though, right?

Ummm… no. It seems that it’s managed to get its license on the basis of being exactly the same (save for flavouring) as another product called Histalix®. That product got its license in 1999, seemingly on the basis of thin air. It’s safe to say that back then licensing for OTC products was rather less rigorous than these days, and “but it’s been around for a while now” used to be a legitimate reason to grant a license. Now, I can’t find the information that the manufacturers of Histalix® presented at the time, but I’m guessing it’s probably not a whole suite of robust, well designed trials.

An article about the product in Chemist+Druggist magazine gave some vague details about a trial:

A randomised study of 163 patients co-ordinated by King’s College Hospital, London, found that the cocoa-based formulation was more effective at reducing the frequency of coughs and the disrupted sleep caused by coughs than simple linctus, Infirst Healthcare said
— http://www.chemistanddruggist.co.uk/news/new-cough-syrup-pharmacy-only#sthash.toAK6A2l.dpuf

This trial, however, doesn’t appear to be published anywhere. I contacted the manufacturers asking for more information about it and was, perhaps predictably, met with silence. Without knowing how the trial was designed, and what the results were, we will have to just discount it; it’s the medical equivalent of being told that no, this Rolex watch someone wants to sell you for £20 is definitely not a fake, honest guvnor. It’s worth noting too that the comparator they used, simple linctus, is no better than placebo itself. 

Searches of the medical literature found a great deal of nothing, either. I searched for both Unicough® and Histalix® too, as well as the combination of ingredients, to no avail. Yes, it might help you get to sleep at night thanks to the antihistamine side effects, but I wish they would be honest about that in their marketing. You’ll sleep because you’ve been knocked out by drugs, not because its made any difference to your cough. 

Is it safe? 

On the whole, there probably aren't any major safety concerns here. Drowsiness is going to be the main problem with it, and as with all things that can cause drowsiness there is a possibility of dependence. Other effects could be dry mouth and urinary retention. It can interact with a few different medicines. Of course there is always the potential issue of self-treatment of a persistent cough, and masking of symptoms that could suggest a more malignant cause. 

The practicalities

Any product which causes drowsiness is going to be severely limited in its usefulness through the day. If you drive, work, or even just don’t want to be asleep all day, then you’re going to have to avoid this product, or you might even end up having to buy two lots of pointless medicines; one for day and this one for night. Additionally, antihistamine-induced sleep can often leave you feeling still quite drowsy the next morning, and some people can even feel quite hungover. It’s not going to be ideal if you have to be up early for work, or if you drive early in the morning.

The unique selling point of this product is the taste. It's cocoa-based, which I'm sure is pleasant, but it aint going to make a blind bit of difference to your cough. I even wonder whether a pleasant taste might have a detrimental effect on any placebo effect: if it doesn't taste like medicine, then you might get less of a response. 

Is the cost reasonable?

Whoah, £8.85 for 150 mL? Give over! There is absolutely, categorically no way that this product is worth that amount. 

TL:DR! Is it worth a punt? 

Nope. There’s no evidence it works, and the combination of ingredients in it makes no sense. Save your money and invest in some cheap simple linctus or glycerine, honey and lemon to soothe your throat instead. The best cure for a post-infective cough is time. Look after yourself, rest, drink plenty, and eat well. If your cough doesn’t go away after about three weeks, get yourself checked over. I know that coughs can be awful, annoying, embarrassing, and exhausting, but –and I’m sorry to have to tell you this- nothing will get rid of it instantaneously, or even any quicker than using nothing at all, so you might as well save your pennies. 

A Mahoosive Thank You

Last month, in a drunken moment of possible madness, I decided to set up a Patreon page. I did so hoping that even setting the page up might work as a driver to overcome the writer's block that has been cursing me for too long. I set the target amount as a dollar, and limited paid posts to these OTC product reviews, because I think there is a real gap in the market for them, and ultimately they will hopefully help people save money. 

To my utter astonishment, four kindly patrons stepped up and made pledges. I doff my cap to you and can't thank you enough. 

Shaun Sellars
Alex Brown
Jack Wright
Bevin Flynn

If you enjoy these sorts of posts, find them useful, and have more money than sense, then I'll just leave this here

Literature Search terms:

Embase: unicough (freetext, ti.ab) Histalix (freetext, ti.ab) *Diphenhydramine AND *Menthol AND *Ammonium chloride

References: http://www.infirst.co.uk/were-working-on/unicough https://www.medicines.org.uk/emc/medicine/31365 https://www.medicines.org.uk/emc/medicine/11171 http://www.mhra.gov.uk/home/groups/par/documents/websiteresources/con553668.pdf http://www.mhra.gov.uk/home/groups/spcpil/documents/spcpil/con1445576593772.pdf

Vicks, Feet, and a whole load of nonsense.

Vicks Vaporub. It's a staple of our medicine cabinet, and we all reach for it at the first sign of sniffles. You may have seen (usually on a poorly made image posted on Facebook) or heard (from a friend who heard from their friend who heard from their aunt's sister's niece's dogsitter) that actually we've all be using it all wrong. 

It's logical to use Vaporub on your chest, pillow, in a steam inhalation. It makes sense, because the vapours will end up in or around your nostrils, which is where it acts. But no- according to this particular internet fraud, it is only by smearing our tootsies with it that we will get the full benefit. 

I'm going to pick apart the standard Facebook post, piece by piece, so you can see my thought processes and logical reasons why I don't believe a word. Even if you do think this works, stick with me and see whether or not you agree with any of my individual points, or if you can come up with a more robust argument for using it on your feet. 

"Some of us have used Vicks Vaporub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between."

 Wait, What? Who uses Vicks Vaporub for chapped lips? I've never heard of anyone do this, ever. Firstly, it would sting lots, and secondly it could be highly toxic, given its essential oil content, and aspiration risk when swallowed due to petroleum. I wouldn't put the stuff anywhere near my mouth.

But I’ve never heard of this. And don’t laugh, it works 100% of the time

100% of the time? Nothing in medicine works 100% of the time, so alarm bells are ringing loudly, unless this is the single most important medical discovery that's ever happened. If a medicine had been truly found to be 100% effective for anything, it would have been ground-breaking, world-changing news- probably not something that's just shared by your cousin on FB. 

 In the interests of research, I actually tried this when I had a troublesome post-infective cough. Needless to say, it did nothing to the frequency of my cough, so we've already disproved that number straight away. Whether or not it works, it most certainly does not work 100% of the time, and if that number isn't true, then why on earth should we believe anything else in this post?

...although the scientists who discovered it aren’t sure why.

 What scientists? What were their names? Where were they working? Where did they receive their funding from? Why aren't their details given? If they aren't sure, do they have any working theories? 

The lack of detail here is really telling. It really suggests that this is a whole load of hokum, especially given that a search (see below) shows no formal records of any "scientists" or research.

To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vaporub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks.

Ahh, feet. Feet really are a favourite for peddlers of quackery. I'm not sure why, but from reflexology to detox foot patches, the alt med world seems to be obsessed with them. Any time feet are suggested as therapy for anything going on elsewhere in the body, loud alarm bells start going off. 

The ironic thing is that feet are probably the worst place to apply any medicine. The skin on your feet is miles thicker that elsewhere. Absorption through the skin tends to be low and erratic at the best of times, but if you apply something onto your feet, the chances of absorbing anything useful from it are very low indeed. 

Additionally, your feet, when lying down, are very far away from your airways. The post requests that you put socks on over it. Therefore there is certainly no way that vapour could get to your airways in any clinically relevant amounts.

Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. 

Coughing fits are just that- fits. They're acute- you cough a lot for a little while, then stop, then it all starts again. A more chronic cough will still follow this pattern or stopping and starting. So yes, persistent, heavy deep coughing will usually stop- albeit temporarily- in probably much less than 5 minutes. If you're coughing for longer than that, it's likely you're going to be having severe problems breathing, and you'll need urgent medical care- you wouldn't really be thinking about smearing goo on your feet. You may find that you put Vicks on your feet and your coughing stops shortly after, but the likelihood is that the coughing would have stopped even if you hadn't. This is called regression to the mean, and its one reason why we can't rely on anecdotes for deciding whether a medicine works. We need to scale up and look at robust clinical trials instead.

Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. 

That 100% claim raises its improbable head again. To claim that something is more effective than other medicines would suggest the existence of comparative trials, which-spoiler alert- don't actually exist. This is rather a strawman anyway, as there are very few prescription cough medicines on the whole. Even conventional cough medicines don't really work to any great degree, and are based on very shakey evidence. It would be a very, very rare occasion indeed that a doctor would prescribe a cough medicine on prescription for a child. 

 In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

I can see how that tingly, cold sort of feeling you get from menthol could be pleasant, though I don't think I'd go as far as to call it soothing. To be honest, you'd have to have perfectly soft skin on your feet to feel anything at all- when I tried it I didn't even feel a tiny tingle, especially since it was covered over with socks. 

Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened.

What guy, and on which radio station? What qualifications does this guy have for making medical recommendations?  Who is even meant to be narrating this post? The only medicines now available for coughs in children in the UK are glycerol and simple linctus paediatric. Both of these essentially work on the basis of being sugary, slightly gloopy water. There's no "strong drugs" here, just some soothing "demulcents" that taste nice and are supposed to leave a soothing lining on the throat, making a cough feel less raw. They're mainly placebos. 

It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

 Where is this finding published? What sort of a study was it and how was it designed? How many participants were there? Was there a control group, or a comparator group and if so, what was the comparator? As it happens, all of this is irrelevant really, as no studies exist. These statements come from the head of an internet fraudster, rather than actually being grounded in reality. 

My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, (incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it.

 We don't even know who is narrating this thing in the first place, let alone their wife. As I've explained above, this is an anecdote, and we can't derive anything from it. A person, who may or may not be mythical, had a cough, and it went away after they did a thing. It might have gone away anyway, we just can't tell. 

A warm blanket?  far from it. It actually just feels like you have some oily gunk on your feet. At best it might feel a little cold, but for most of us, it'll feel no different at all thanks to our thick skin. 

If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works!

Well that's just bizarre. Presumably you don't need to bother if you're simply a parent, only if you're a grandparent? What a load of nonsense. I wasn't left amazed, I was just left feeling a little silly. And I had minty-smelling feet.

So of course I have done a search for the evidence and claims included in the post and have found a grand total of Nothing At All. I will say this though: If I was the manufacturer of Vicks, and someone had done some studies which found my product to be 100% effective, I would sing it loudly from every rooftop I could find. I would be the manufacturer of The Number One Most Effective Medical Product In The World Ever, and I would make sure that I made my millions on the back of that fact, as well as collecting my Nobel prize for Medicine and probably world peace as well. What I probably wouldn't do is ignore the claims, and continue on selling my product and advising that its used in a way which has a less than 100% chance of it working. 

Direct harms from following this advice could include dermatitis and skin reactions. Indirect harms? Well, you've slathered some slippery, oily unguent onto the bottom of your feet. When you take your socks off, you may be slip-sliding all over the place.

The moral of the story is: Very rarely should you believe anything posted on Facebook. Unless its me, posting a link to my blog, of course ;)

Hxxx
 

It's thyme to Bronchostop this nonsense

I’m sorry, I just could not resist that headline.

Whilst working a locum shift the other week, I noticed a couple of new products had leapt their way to the pharmacy shelves. “Bronchostop”. Sounds interesting, I thought, until I moved a bit closer and noticed that they are, in actual fact, a herbal cough remedy, and my vague excitement was replaced with a bit of my soul dying. Then I saw the price tag, and the anger kicked in.

Brought to us by our old friends at Omega Pharma, Bronchostop syrup contains thyme extract and marshmallow root, whilst the lozenges just contain thyme extract. Omega claim that it “relieves any type of cough”, and that it “takes the hassle out of choosing a solution”. Well, I must say, I’m pleased to hear that, because I find one of the main stressors in my life is choosing which cough remedy to use. I mean, it’s just so complicated to decide if you have a dry or a chesty cough, then realise that it makes no difference anyway as most cough medicines don't work, so you then just by a cheapo honey and lemon thing to make yourself feel placebo-ey better. 

So, given that the great all-consuming cough medicine dilemma of my life has now been sorted out by Omega, I can spend some quality time looking up the evidence to see if it works.

It turns out that there are some preliminary trials which suggest thyme might improve cough symptoms. However, these all use specific cough syrups with different combinations of ingredients compared to Bronchostop, so they’re not very helpful. Because the product is being sold as a traditional herbal remedy, the manufacturers don’t need to bother collecting any evidence that it works before it goes on sale- their claims are based entirely on “traditional use”, which means nothing at all scientifically.

One attempt at a clinical trial compared thyme syrup with a “real” expectorant, bromhexine, and found no difference over a five day period. There are a number of problems with this though- firstly, bromhexine isn’t commonly used in cough medicines. Secondly, there’s little to no good evidence that expectorants work anyway, so we’re comparing something that may or may not work with something that doesn’t.

Worryingly, the website www.bronchostop.co.uk contains absolutely no safety information whatsoever. It doesn’t tell you who can’t use it, who needs to be careful using it, or what any of the side effects might be.

What side effects could it possibly have, you’re wondering. After all, its just a herb. We eat it, so it can’t be that bad, right? Well, sort of. The amounts used in food tend to be a lot lower than when it is used as a herbal medicine.

On the whole, thyme is well tolerated, but occasional gastrointestinal effects can occur. Uncommonly, and more seriously, people can have allergic reactions to it. It can interact with drugs, including those that thin the blood, those used in Parkinson’s disease, those with anticholinergic or cholinergic effects, oestrogens (research suggests it may decrease the effects of HRT, but theoretically also the contraceptive pill), and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs. It may cause problems in people with bleeding disorders, who are undergoing surgery, or who have hormone sensitive cancers. We have no idea of the effects that medicinal amounts of thyme can have in pregnant or lactating women.

It seems to me, however, that its main adverse effect will be on your bank balance. This stuff is £8.99 for a 200ml bottle or £4.99 for 20 pastilles- that’s a whole lot more than simple linctus, which is about £1.50 and which will probably do just as good a job.

Hxxx

When real science gets left out in the Coldzyme

There’s no getting away from it, folks. Its sniffle season. For the next 6 months or so, the sounds of sneezes, coughs, and millions of noses being blown will echo throughout the nation.

We all know by now that the common cold is a virus. We all know that there is no cure. We also all know that, although you feel like crawling into a small dark warm cave and dying at the time, its usually much better after a few days, and it goes away of its own accord. Cold and flu remedies do nothing to actually get rid of your cold- they are there to make you feel better during it, although many of them are actually irrational combinations of products in shiny boxes with a redonkulously high price.

It is often said that if someone did come up with a cure for the common cold, they would be millionaires. I was, therefore, surprised to read this week in Chemist + Druggist magazine that indeed, the first ever product to not only treat the symptoms but to act on the virus itself was winging its way to pharmacy shelves as we speak. Really? Because blimey charlie, if that's the case, then this product should be Big News. 

The product is ColdZyme, a mouth spray that costs £8.99 for 20mLs. Seems a pretty fair price to pay for a product which claims to cure the most prominent infectious disease in the western hemisphere. It seems odd, though, that instead of this marvellous scientific breakthrough being plastered all over the media and medical literature, the article announcing it is tucked away quietly in a barely read corner of a trade journal.

What is this breakthrough, miracle product that will powerfully break down viruses? Well, an enzyme called trypsin. An enzyme that already merrily and plentifully kicks about in your digestive system, breaking down proteins. An enzyme which, for the purposes of this product, is inexplicable being derived from cod (which has meant that I have had to resist the urge to refer to it as somewhat fishy.) An enzyme which should be stored at temperatures of between -20 and -80 degrees Celsius, to prevent autolysis. Now, I've seen some fancy medicine packaging in my time, but never a simple mouth spray bottle that can manage such cold chain storage feats. So, if trypsin really is present in this product, then it seems fairly likely that its going to be inactive, unless the manufacturers have found a way of warping room temperature. Or you happen to be in Winnipeg in the middle of winter.

Medicine vs. Medical Device

The manufacturers make some really very extraordinary claims on their website, including one textbook example of special pleading. Their product, they state, isn’t a medicine. It’s a medical device, because it has no systemic effect. They then of course go on to helpfully tell us about the systemic effect it has:

“The medicines currently on the market only treat the various symptoms of a cold. ColdZyme treats the cause of the symptoms – the virus itself – and thus works both preventively against the common cold and shortens the duration of illness if you have already been infected.”

Right. So in the same breath, they are claiming that the product only forms a barrier, no more. But then they are also claiming that this barrier affects the ability of the virus to produce illness if you are already infected- viruses which are already through that barrier and inside your body. Come on, Enzymatica, you can’t have it both ways.

The Evidence

All these claims are backed up by evidence, right? Well, there is a tiny trial performed on only 46 people, which isn’t published anywhere. I can’t say whether or not it is a well designed trial, because I can’t see it in full, so to be honest, we pretty much have to just discount it. What we can do, however, if have a look to see if there is any other decent published information looking at the effect of trypsin on the cold virus. So I turned to the medical databases Medline and Embase, to trawl through the published medical literature. 

I did find one experiment which looked at the trypsin sensitivity of several human rhinovirus serotypes(1). And this appears to have found that viruses are only really susceptible to trypsin when there have been exposed to low pH, followed by neutralization- something which wont have happened to your common or garden cold viruses. I couldn’t find much else suggestive of a clinically significant antivirus action of trypsin.

The practicalities

This isn’t a simple, one-off- couple of sprays and away flies your cold sort of product. You have to use it every two hours, as well as after you brush your teeth and before you go to bed, and you have to continue this “until your symptoms are relieved”. That’s one hell of a regime. I have difficulty remembering to use medicines twice daily, never mind every two hours. I’ve never used this product, but I’d imagine that if it really does leave a “barrier” coating in your mouth, its a pretty unpleasant sensation. I can’t imagine many people sticking closely to these dosage instructions, and if the mechanism of action is as the manufacturer’s claim, skipping doses would cause the product to fail (if, indeed, it works in the first place)

We are also directed to “Start using ColdZyme® as soon as possible when you detect symptoms of a cold.”. Now, those of use who suffer with cold sores who have ever used aciclovir cream will know that this is often easier said than done- you probably haven’t got the stuff in the house, or at work, and by the time you’ve managed to get your hands on some, its already too late- your cold sore is out loud and proud, and using the drug will be pointless. Its likely that the very same thing will apply here. And remember that the incubation period for a cold is about 2 days- so the virus will already be cosily settled into your body before you even know about it. Its therefore completely ludicrous that this product claims to be able to reduce the length of a cold simply by forming a barrier.  

I know it can be used as a cold preventative, but how many people who feel completely fine are going to remember to use the product every two hours, every day, for the entirely of the cold season?

To Summarise

So, do I think there is scientific evidence to back up the extraordinary claims being made by ColdZyme? I might do when hell freezes over. Or at least when some decent trials are published, which might take just as long.  Do I think that this product should be sold through pharmacies? Absolutely not- this isn’t, if you ask me, real medicine. This is pure pseudoscience, trying its best to fool you into buying real medicine. Do I think lots of people will buy this, use it once or twice, then leave it to languish in their bathroom cabinet? Absolutely.

Here’s the problem though: this stuff will appear on the shelves of pharmacies all over. The pharmacists wont have a clue what this stuff is, and because they are really busy and probably quite tired at the end of each day, they wont be able to do the sort of evidence review I have managed to squeeze into a quiet moment. So they’ll get asked about it, and they’ll sell it. Some people will buy it and will feel better after a few days, and will think that the spray has made them better, forgetting that colds are self-limiting anyway. A customer might come back in the pharmacy one day, and say something like “hey, that new-fangled spray got rid of my cold!”, and the pharmacy staff will end up making recommendations on the basis of customer feedback and anecdotes, rather than on the basis of rational, scientific evidence. In my eyes, this really is a shame, and by selling this sort of nonsense, we really are cheapening our profession, and we're causing our customers to waste their money. 

If patients ask me about it, when I’m working behind the counter, I’ll tell them something along the lines of: “there’s no evidence or logical way that it works. It seems to be a bit of an expensive gimmick, with no decent basis to it. You’ll feel horrible with your cold, but it will start to go away of its own accord, I promise. In the meantime, you’d be much better off looking after yourself, having plenty of fluids and rest, and taking paracetamol according to the packet.”

Hxxx


Common Community Pharmacy Annoyances

It's funny how variable working in a community pharmacy can be. Nowadays, I locum here and there, and I tend to really enjoy it. I usually do evening shifts, so you have an hour or two of bedlam, followed by several hours of blissful calm and quiet, where you get to sort out all the outstanding things, do lots of other bits and pieces like checking owings, controlled drug stock levels, and cleaning. I usually also end up having bizarrely deep and meaningful conversations about life, love and philosophy with whoever I am working with. Usually when I leave a pharmacy it is as clean and tidy as possible, I've sorted out what I can, and have left notes for anything that I haven't been able to deal with fully.

I say all this because I lately did one of *those* locum shifts. The ones where it is constantly busy, no prescription is straightforward, the fax machine isn't working, and you seem to have to deal with every problem under the sun. On this particular locum shift, I think my colleagues and I encountered every single type of category of impolite customer possible in a 4 hour shift.

So, because the only way that we can cope with such things is to laugh about them, and because I fancy a self-indulgent rant, here is my compilation of the things in pharmacy that annoy me and that happened in that locum shift.

The Mythical Taxi

Some people do get a taxi to their local supermarket. I have done it myself. But it would appear that taxi companies must have an amazingly lucrative trade in ferrying people to and from pharmacies if the frequency of use of the phrase "Can you do it quickly please, I've got a taxi waiting" is anything to go by. These are not, as far as I am aware, magic words that will somehow warp the time-space continuum so that I am able to dispense and check a twenty item prescription in a mere matter of seconds. Whether or not you actually have a taxi waiting will simply mean that your prescription gets put in the queue in the same place it would have done anyway, and you will wait the same amount of time as you would have done anyway. Needless to say, I suspect that many of these taxis don't actually exist, but merely a tactic used by some people to attempt to "hurry their prescriptions along".

The Dry Chesty Cough

"What sort of a cough is it?" "Well, its a dry, chesty cough."
No, no it isn't. It's either dry or its chesty, its not both. And either way, there is little point buying anything for it given that there is no evidence that any cough medicines work.

The Evil Eyes

Glaring at me continuously for the entire time that I am dispensing your prescription will not in any way speed up my work, and in fact may have the opposite effect as I am more likely to lumber around in a sloth-like manner just to annoy.

"I Need To Be Somewhere"

At 6:05pm, a woman handed in her prescription of 4 items. At 6:07pm, having spent all of two minutes repeatedly sighing and tapping her feet, she asked to speak to the pharmacist. Off I went, leaving a prescription half-dispensed. She demanded to know how long her prescription was going to be (the one I left to go and speak to her), because she needed to be somewhere. I gave her an estimation, told her I was doing it now, then went off to complete it. She then asked to speak to me a further three times to find out how long it was going to be, each time meaning it would take a little longer. "But I need to be somewhere at 6:15!!" she told me each time. I handed her the prescription at 6:12pm, thanking her for her patience. She then proceeded to rant for several minutes about how long the prescription had taken and how it meant she was going to be late and she had to be somewhere at 6:15. She eventually stopped complaining at exactly 6.15, and I returned to the dispensary, whereupon I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had taken the time to hang around to complain about how long it had taken her to get her prescription to some of her friends who she just happened to bump into in the shop. Goodness only knows what time she actually left.

Invading Privacy

If you have ever picked up a prescription from a pharmacy, you will have probably been asked to confirm your address. This is so that we can make sure that you actually get the correct prescription. This is not because we are evil assassins or because we want to sit in a bush outside your house and spy on you- we really don't- and you're address is written on the prescription so if we wanted to we could anyway. On this locum shift, however, we were accused of invading someone's privacy for asking for this information. "I don't need to give you that information!" he declared. The counter assistant advised him that this is a routine question to ensure that we give out the correct prescription. But this wasn't good enough, and he wanted to speak to someone in charge. Off I went into the breach. I told him that he could come into the consultation room to give us his address so no one could overhear, but this was "an inconvenience", apparently.

By this time, he was shouting and other people in the queue were staring at him.

Again, I advised that we routinely confirm the address to ensure that the correct prescription is given out.

He decided to prove that the prescription was his instead by giving out his name, date of birth, and by telling me every item that was on the script. Loudly. One of which was sildenafil (Viagra).

Magicking Up Medicine

Me: "I'm sorry, we don't have that item in stock. There is a manufacturing problem on it, so we can't get it from our suppliers"
Patient: "But I need it" 
Me (in head): "Oh I see. Well if you can hold on a few minutes, I'll just nip round the back into our large pharmaceutical manufacturing factory, dig out the raw materials, and whip you up a batch right now then" 
Me (in real-life): "I understand, but I'm really sorry, we can't get any in at the moment."
Patient: "But I need it."
Me: "Where is the nearest wall please, so that I can bash my head against it repeatedly?"

The Expert Customer

I'm advising a patient about how to manage their child's teething problems. Another customer waiting in the queue decides to chip in with "Those Nelsons Teetha sachets are really good." (Nelsons Teetha sachets are homeopathic, therefore contain nothing of use and have no pharmacological effect). From then on, I (and my many years of training and experience) might as well not exist, as nothing I say can steer the patient away from believing that Nelsons Teetha are simply THE best thing since sliced bread, and in her eyes I'm obviously a terrible pharmacist for not recommending them immediately.

Impatient Patient Questioning

You ask the patient all the usual questions. They're all answered with a loud sigh, vacant eyes, and a disinterested "yes" or "no" at all the bits that they think are right. I could be asking anything, and I'd get the same response. So sometimes, I like to mix it up a bit and throw in a question they're not expecting. If its something like Nytol or a codeine containing medicine, I'll ask "Do you take it regularly?" to which the response is usually a bored yes. In which case, I advise them that I can't sell them any, then swiftly duck for cover when they inevitably throw things at me.

A variant You ask the patient if they are taking any other medications, to which they sigh and say "no". It's only when they're about to hand over their money that they a) ask what would happen if they were taking medicines, then confess, or b) whip out an inhaler and proceed to take a couple of puffs right in front of you after they have just told you that they don't have asthma or COPD.

Specifics

The patient can inexplicably only take one or two brands of generics for a product. You are, of course, expected to telepathically know this and dispense the right one, and woe betide anyone who doesn't. Now, I am entirely understanding of cases where a patient has specific requirements for one type of product- maybe an allergy to an excipient, say. But when there is not reason for it, and the patient is shouting at you for not giving them "the right medicine" despite them at no point telling you what "the right" one is, then I tend to feel a bit put out.

Mobile Misery

Now I am known for being attached to my mobile phone. However, one of the most annoying things when working in retail is having to deal with customers who refuse to hang up theirs whilst you are trying to have a conversation with them. Over a pharmacy counter, we often need to give detailed counselling, and of course we need to ask a lot of questions. I can't really do that if you are also listening to so-and-so discussing who was drunkest down the pub the other night. At this particular locum shift, I had to attempt to explain that there was an item owing on a prescription to a chap who was having just such a conversation. The icing on the cake was when he said to his phone-based friend "Hang on, I can't hear you, this stupid woman keeps talking about something and wont give me my prescription". Needless to say, despite me explaining the owing and handing him an owing slip, he returned a few minutes later demanding to know where the missing item was. This "stupid woman" then had to patiently and politely re-explain everything I had already told him.

How do I deal with situations like this? Politely, professionally, and with a smile on my face. I might have a bit of a rant and a laugh about it later in the back of the pharmacy, but outwardly in these situations I remain as calm as possible and attempt to be as helpful as I can. I've had many years of practice. The worst thing about this shift was that I was working with a new counter assistant and a newly qualified pharmacist, and I could see their morale slipping minute by minute. Their shoulders slumped, their smiles became more forced, and I found myself desperately trying to reassure them that this is just how some days go. Of course, we pharmacy types do make mistakes on occasion, and inconveniences do happen. I can understand that, when it comes to health, people can be scared and anxious, and that can come across as aggression. It is my firm belief, however, that a little bit of kindness and manners get you everywhere, and I am always much more likely to respond positively to calm and polite customers than those who default to outright rudeness, although I will do what I can to ensure that I help them all.

Hxxx