Special Investigation: Is Santa really a pharmacist?

Despite him being one of the most famous people on the planet, we know a suspiciously small amount about Santa Claus's background. I've had the suspicion for some time that he may in fact be a pharmacist throughout the rest of the year. 

A quick check of the GPhC register brings up no S. Claus’s, though of course that only rules out pharmacy practice in theUK. Unfortunately it would seem thatLapland does not have a similarly searchable pharmacist register, so we are unable to confirm his registration status in his home country. However, if Santa were to be working overseas, it would seem that Your Family Pharmacy, 15 N Kringle Place, Santa Claus, Indiana would be his first choice, especially given its prime location near to Lake RudolphCamping Park. (honestly, this place exists)

Santa is, of course, most famous for operating a highly efficient free delivery service. No doubt these skills have been honed throughout the rest of the year, as he organises a prescription collection and free delivery service to his patients.

As the song goes: “He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice”, demonstrating that Santa is following robust self-checking procedures. It is clear that he has the sort of attention to detail that is required by pharmacists. It’s also clear from this song that he is aware of NICE guidelines.

It seems clear that Santa’s system of working, is synonymous of that in a community pharmacy. He works alongside a team of highly skilled and well trained elves, though retaining legal responsibility for all that goes on in his workshop. One assumes that, on visiting the workshop, his Responsible Father Christmas sign is clearly displayed.

Perhaps the most convincing evidence is that of his links with the Coca Cola company. Santa has a long history of advertising the product, adding a splash of red and a liberal helping of fur to his usual pharmacy white coat. Its good to see that Santa is so devoted to advertising the invention of  fellow pharmacist John Pemberton, who originally invented the drink as a cure for his own morphine addiction. Santa is clearly interested in harm reduction and no doubt works closely with local drug and alcohol teams during the rest of the year to dispense opioid replacement therapies for patients.

Santa Claus, however, does have some flaws as a pharmacist. As discussed in the BMJ, he appears to pose a number of public health risks, including as a vector for infectious diseases, and in the promotion of drink-driving. It would seem that he would benefit from a visit to his nearest Healthy Living Pharmacy, where he can access advice on reducing his weight and brandy intake. It is good to note that he successfully quite smoking and seems to have remained abstinent.

Hxxx